woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
