Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
