Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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