Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
