Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
