My first STD was from a foam party
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
