Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
