What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
