That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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