I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
