After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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