Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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