is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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