You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
