my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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