I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
