I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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