I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
