Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
