It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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