I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
