You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
