And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
