It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
