You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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