Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
