the condom got lost in my hair
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
