Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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