I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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