and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
