just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
