Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
