If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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