it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
