omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
