this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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