i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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