I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
