i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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