I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
