i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
