Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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