Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
