Someone shit on the floor
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
