just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
