consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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