I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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