We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
