Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
