Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
