Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
