In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
