We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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